Monday, September 20, 2010

Wasted Away on Wishing

I know I wasn't given such a desire only to be wasted away on wishing.  But its in those quiet times of life, when we sometimes allow doubt to creep in and seep into the depths of who we are, that we question if our life will ever have purpose.

I follow so many blogs.  Each one is so unique (although backgrounds might be the same), but the content and author each radiate such a beautiful piece to this world.  I love how I can find and relate to so many women on so many different levels.  One category in particular is the world of blogs about Fostering and Adoption.  I think I read vicariously through these amazing families that bring in children in need, unwanted by others, or in a temporary placement while "mommy and daddy get better".  I am inspired by these families.  But each time I read a new post, I feel a piece of me get heavy and ask "why do I have such a strong passion to love on babies and children and because of our family's current situation, I can't do anything about it?"

Goodness, this is probably not a good place to be.  Doubt.  Its a terrible thing.

Sometimes in these quiet moments of "waiting for our life to start", we lose awareness of what our life IS.  I'm guilty of it.

I know some of you might be waiting for your baby and you're constantly checking if those pink lines have arrived.  Some of you are waiting for that job that will finally say yes to your resume so you can get out of the ho-hum job you've been working.  Some of you are waiting for a house to call your own.  Others might be waiting for the doctor to call with the results from your last health test.  I'm sure there are so many things you all are waiting for and feel like once it arrives you can finally move on to the next part of life...

...But what I'm learning in our own little "waiting period" is that I'm not really waiting, I'm LIVING!  I believe I'm being refined for the purpose I've been given.  I also know this because the many things that come our way seem to break the me part down to build the HIM part up.  

My husband is the biggest reminder of this for me.  Currently, he's in-between jobs waiting for a reply from a company he really wants a job with.  He went to Trade School instead of college and has had a lot of people in his life attack him for their opinions of him being a lesser man compared to them.  He's had his days of heartbreak, but mostly, he picks his head up and trudges on.  He continues to have such a content outlook on life, even in such a waiting period for him.

As a husband, he isn't bringing in the money (just yet).  He isn't able to provide a home for his bride and baby girl.  And although some people feel it necessary to degrade him for it, I love and respect him further for choosing to provide us a life where we can chase after OUR GOD instead of money.  So instead of sulking in what he doesn't have and can't do, he's been reading books (my husband has NEVER read a chapter book in his life), taking our daughter out on walks, joining me on my photography adventures, and resting in the palms of His Savior.

He gives me a good reality check a lot of times when he catches me 'wishing' for things that could be, and reminds me of what is.  And because of this, I'm choosing to call this time in our lives, PREP TIME.  Yup, its the time to prep our daughter with lots of love so that when we get our house full of children, her security in her place in our lives will never falter.  Its time to prep are marriage so that when there's 12 screaming children, we're ready to find patience with each other when the night is over.  Its time to prep my heart to TRUST in My Jesus when things will start to get tough.

I'm looking forward to the day when my heart's desires will be granted ten fold, but until then I'll stop wishing and start prepping!   



  1. This was great. It's good to hear that you can be content with life as it is. It's a great feeling. Like a weight has been lifted and you can begin to see clearly again.
    I have been guilty of this as well. ESPECIALLY with the military. It's one BIG world of waiting. So we find the little things. The tiny moments, the beautiful places and the laughter we so cherish.
    Keep on keeping on Jhen and John!
    God bless

  2. You said it so perfectly!! I wrote a post (a long time ago) similar to this. It's important that we not get so caught up in the waiting and wanting that we miss the here and now.
    I applaud your husband, too. He seems like a wonderful Husband, Father & friend. The 1st 2 years of my marriage, I worked while my husband went to school and really didn't bring in any money. It was a lot of pressure on me, and some people criticized for it. But I knew that it was all going to be okay. And I respected him so much for being able to trust and rely on me. Someday the tables would turn. And they have.
    I'm at home with the baby (working part time with photography) and now my hubby is working, and I have to rely on him.
    We are all in different situations, and life throws us curve balls. But if we rely on each other, and the Savior- we will always come out on top. He will never let us down. :-)

  3. Jhen. This post is amazing. I can identify with so, so, so many things you wrote about. Josh and I are at that 'in-between/prep time' in our lives too. And I'm right alongside of you in the wishing area. I find myself thinking things like that a lot. However, I too, am learning to LIVE rather than anticipate. This moment is the only one that is gauranteed and I want to live it with those that matter.

    And no matter what ANYONE says, your husband is doing his duty. Probably better than he will ever realized. I admire him and respect him for following his heart, holding fast to his Savior and loving his family no matter what. Again, I've been there and it's hard to watch him go through periods of feeling inadequate, but you are a wonderful wife and you're doing all that can be asked of you.

    You guys inspire me [and others] Keep it up. And know that you are in my prayers always.

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  6. What a wonderful post! I have to remind myself of this on a daily basis. It is so easy to look to the future and not really see the present playing out right before your eyes.

    Oh the places you'll go By Dr. Seuss

    "....I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

    You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.

    You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

    And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

    You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

    And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

    You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

    The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

    Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

    Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

    No! That’s not for you!
    Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!..."

  7. yes yes yes! i always need this reminder. right now i completely feel like my life is on hold until i can get a new camera. isn't that silly? a new camera really isn't going to make my life any more worth living when i have an amazing husband, a healthy baby boy, & so many other things to enjoy & be grateful for right now.

    it's silly how i stumble upon these reminders pretty frequently, & yet, it seems like i forget within minutes. thank you for today's reminder, jhen!!

  8. Before I had Baby Kaylin, I had a very bad year of this "Wishing" and not living in the here in now. It has always been my hearts desire to have little people and a family, so when friend after friend, and co-worker after co-worker started announcing pregnancies I let myself fall in to a bit of depression pit and lived quite a bit that year in the "wishing it were me-us pregnant too" instead of just enjoying another year given to to me to enjoy being with my awesome hubby!
    You can rewind time-but sometimes I wish I could. :(

    It is terribly hard waiting...but God's timing is perfect! :)

  9. Praise God for husbands who are "true men" and do not let other competitive men define them!

    A couple hours before reading this post, my husband got a call that he landed a job he really wanted (he has been out of work since we have been married and we have been on food stamps and struggling to get groceries each week). He turned to me and said, "Thank you for not letting me give up, even when I wanted to just go out and get a dead end job, just so I could provide. Thank you for making me stick to what I believed I needed to do and work hard for my dreams.. even when I had no self esteem... It is so cool that we have been together through the hard times."

    I think one of the ways we bless our husbands is encouraging their dreams- even when it is REALLY hard... There is definetly days I want to give up and just fall into that sterotypical "safe-zone."

    You are an amazing wife- and it sounds like you have a great husband. Things WILL work out for your family. The Lord has you in his hands. He has already been before you and knows what he has planned for you.

    I love that you have such a heart for fostering and adoption... Don't give up on that dream! God put that desire in your heart for a reason. I am so excited for what God is preparing you for, Jhen!


  10. Hi Jhen! What a wonderful post. Your attitude is fantastic, and I'm sure your positivity is so helpful to your husband. It made me really sad to think that people give him a hard time for a career choice. All day I've tried to think of the right words to say in response to your post. I can tell you this. When I was pregnant with our 1st baby 9 years ago, my husband worked for a big wig dot com company. Great income, everything. Then in 2001 when things started to fall apart, his whole department was laid off. All of a sudden with a baby on the way, we had no income. We didn't have any debt, but we were irresponsible about saving, so suddenly we had nothing. My point is, it's not the degree that matters. Those in-between times can happen to anyone. And my husband can tell you there's no greater stress than not being able to provide for your family.

    I'm rambing on and on, aren't I? LOL! All that to say, I can tell you your positive attitude and encouragement to your husband I'm sure means the world to him. And most of all, it's glorifying to God. I did my share of grumbling and complaining, and I see now how horrible that was for my husband. What a refreshing outlook you have! Thanks for sharing! :-)

  11. You are so inspiring Jhen!
    Your husband sounds like a wonderful man.
    I'm thinking of this verse as I read this. "In the same way, the last will be first, and the first will be last, because many are called, but few are chosen." Matthew 20:16
    God has a plan and it is perfect. I think you are chosen. There is a bigger picture and it's a time of waiting and depending on the Lord. Who knows what's coming next, but I think God will be with you every step of the way.
    So glad to know you through the blog world Jhen!
    A sister in Christ,

  12. You write so well! And you're outlook is inspiring.

    My husband is a musician and there are times that it's hard for us to see how we'll ever be able to support our own future babies, even more so adoptive children. So I can definitely relate to your 'prep time'! We just have to trust that the Lord knows what's best.

    It's so freeing being able to trust that He sees the bigger picture.

    I love your blog, and you're daughter is precious!

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