Monday, October 4, 2010

No Mom Talk

Inhale...Exhale... I can do this....

Courtney, over at Live Beautiful, created a Monday meme called No Mom Talk Monday encouraging mothers to take a breather and address themselves outside of who they are as a mother... so, I inhale one more time, slowly exhale and go for it...

I'm absolutely terrible at making friends!  Just terrible.  I am incredibly passive and incredibly passionate at the same time that when mixed together, it comes across as stuck up or as most of what I heard people say about my first impression "I think I'm too good for people."  But I can say this with every ounce of HONESTY... I am know I am not.

I'm passive when it comes to friends because I'm always afraid I'm bothering them, or I am the one coming on too strong, so I try to gage their pace so I back off and kind of "wait".  Typically, when I do this, the friendship dies because I'm too afraid to make the effort cause what if they don't really like me, their just being nice.

While growing up, I had some great friends.  Notice the "had" part of that statement.  

I've managed to push friends away because of fear of rejection.  All that fear has brought me is an empty address book and an email inbox with only business or blog related messages.  

I don't get asked out for coffee.  I don't really get invited on play dates {I've been to one and I LOVED IT SO VERY MUCH}.  But I can't blame anyone but myself.  

I remember my freshman year of college.  A few weeks into school, the girls in my dorm were gathering outside my dorm room on the floor chit chatting {I also lived right across from the bathrooms, so that was why}.  I joined them outside and decided to go ahead and risk it to make friends.  We started going around telling each other our first impressions of each other.  When it came to my turn, a glorious harmony of every girl in that circle said that they first thought I was snobby and stuck up.  They went on to say that now they think I'm cool...  I never forgot that. 

I never intend to be stand-offish.  I'm incredibly passionate about the things I believe in.  I'll defend my family to my death, and I'm working on being unashamed for My Jesus, but my heart cries out for friendship!

I'm working on my icy facade.  I am.  I'm taking bigger risks and hoping that along the way, I come across a friendship that is filled with coffee dates, tea parties, children play dates, long phone chats when my husband is frustrating me, annual vacations with our families, and a whole lotta' unconditional love!  

So, that's a piece of who I am outside of motherhood.  And with that, I suggest you check out some other ladies and possibly blog along with them at:



  1. Oh Jhen!! I just don't see that at all! You are such a genuine sweetheart. If we lived closer together, I would invite you out for coffee and playdates every. single. day. No joke! I really felt that from the moment I "met" you, you were someone I immediately clicked with. You are so warm and caring. Although, I know that it's a lot harder to make friends in person than over the internet community.
    Believe it or not, I used to be this way too (come across icy)... and I'm sure that I still am that way to a certain extent. All we can do is recognize it and try to change it! That's exactly what you're doing, and I hope that people can see what a beautiful person you are inside! {loves}

  2. You and I are so similar. I have been told that I was a 'snob' before too, but in actuality, I struggle with the same thing you do. I never know whether someone is just being nice or if they really want to be friends. So I don't really have any friends either. I'm DYING to have someone to go have dinner with some nights or go see movies with. At least now I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this. :-)

  3. HHAHAHA, soft black!!! love it! post a pic! I will post a pic of this red that I have. I haven't dyed my hair since my wedding....6 years ago. So, this was a risk.
    Thanks for sharing your blog post today. I live in a town where everyone has lived since they were kids, so...the chances of making great friends is...near to impossible. I have 2 friends that make my days go by, but my dear friends are in China...soo, not around. :( I wish we all lived close by (you & Courtney K) and could go to dinner together. That would be fun!

  4. oh yeah, and yes, I am looking at buying a new camera. not sure which one, but I need something better than what I have. I have the Nikon D70 and ....I guess I am looking for something a tad smaller and up to date. what do you have?

  5. I am the same way with firends. I am one to worry what someone is doing before I call. What if they are busy or at work or doing something with their loved ones. I don't want to bother anyone so I tend not to call people. Not really a great qulity when trying to make or keep friendships. In the end it comes off as I don't care but really I care too much. Thanks for sharing it makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one with an empty inbox :)

  6. I can totally relate to this. I back of so much too, because sometimes I come on strong. I am a good friend and so loyal, but it is just really hard to make great friends. I'm glad I'm not the only girl to feel this way. It can be so discouraging sometimes. I constantly pray that the Lord will bring people my way who are just as passionate and loyal as I am. I think you would be a wonderful friend! =)

  7. I clicked on your link from the "No Mom Talk" Monday link up and am so glad I did. I can identify 100% with what you are saying. Plus, I just happened to be married to a pastor, so it seems people are even more afraid of me for whatever reason, which leads to more isolation! I'm amazed at the wonderful women I'm "meeting" through blogging and realize that God is using them to do such amazing things through them. Thank you so much for your honesty (I'm adding your blog to my google reader)! Have a wonderful Monday...

  8. I'm pretty shy when it comes to meeting people in person, and often it's mistaken as snobbery. :( So I totally feel your pain!

  9. If I lived near you, we would so be buddies!! Tea? Shopping? Babies? Husbands? We soooo love all the same things!!!
    One day, Jhen, I hope we can have tea and company!!!
    Bless you friend and keep the blogs coming...

  10. I really think we would be the best of friends if we knew each other in person!

    I totally hear you! I am the same way (passive and passionate)!! It is frustrating at times... My husband is SO outgoing-- and I swear there isn't a person on this planet who doesn't instantly want to be his best friend. It is so hard for me to be that way. It takes me a lot longer to really get close to someone... And I communicate so much better writing, than talking-- and that poses a problem to some people.

    I think people really misunderstand passive/passionate people... But I think once you get to know people like us- we make for a very close friend. : )

  11. Hey Jhen! Ive just recently started following your blog since the Love blogs which were amazing btw. I usually am a silent follower, and the reason for that is EXACTLY what you said in your blog. fear of rejection, fear of saying to much, just a fear of not being liked for who i am. i too, come on strong. you are not alone. wanting to have that one person that i could call at 3 am and they would answer. that movie, or coffee. i completely understand! while i am not the best at keeping up my blog, and while i dont live close, if ya need a chat.. im a really good listener! :)

  12. wow, at this point i sound like a broken record after all the other commenters, but it's true... i am totally the same. in high school so many people thought i was a snob, but it was just me being shy & not liking small talk.

    but also, i'm not fake. i don't put on a happy face & pretend to be your friend if i'm not, which i think is a good quality, right? what you see is what you get, & i think that might offend some. i'm learning to be a little more approachable, though... haha.

    i love this no-mom-talk-monday stuff. i joined in this week :)

  13. Wanna make a play date?!? I'd love to see you and your Joss girl again!! Plus, we live within minutes of each other!
    Oh, and P.S.- I can't wait to open my mailbox in the next few days :)!