Thursday, August 26, 2010

Scaredeeee Cat

Since we've been house sitting, I've realized just how much of a scaredy-cat I really am.  It's terrible.  I have always struggled with fear.  ALWAYS!  For as far back as I can remember, I've been scared of being home alone, along in the dark, and being abducted.  Seriously- I'm not over exaggerating.

I thought that becoming a mom would kick things into gear real quick for me.  Like I would suddenly turn into a Lara Croft, who has no fears and can look a monster in the face, give a smirk and kill it.  But, just months after Joss was born something happened that gave me a big reality check: I am still a scaredy-cat.

I hate to admit this story.  I really do.  I'm embarrassed and ashamed as a mother, wife and person...
My siblings and I were sitting at the dining table for lunch.  We had just got back to the house that we thought was empty.  We were chit-chatting and my back was to the rest of the house.  Joss was sleeping in her car-seat {she fell asleep in the car and didn't want to wake her to take her out of it}.  I had turned to look at her and I saw a dark image go across the hallway behind me... I got tense and fear fell over me.  Next thing I know, someone comes out of the hallway and into the living room.  It just took split-seconds for me to jump out of my seat and run into my bedroom which is right off the kitchen, LEAVING MY BABY IN THE KITCHEN.  I totally just abandoned my new, innocent, sleeping baby for the bad guy walking towards us.

Seconds later, I realized it was my dad who had been home.  Everyone busted up laughing and then proceeded to point out how I just left my child and I booked it.  Oh I felt terrible.

Naturally I wanted to defend myself coming up with some kind of excuse for my behavior, but I could come up with nothing.  So here I am months later, still scared to be alone.  I don't like the curtains open at night for fear that a face would appear in the window.  I don't like going to dark rooms that I haven't just recently been in, in the light.  What is wrong with me?  I just pray that if ever a seriously dangerous situation would arise {although I also pray it never would}, that I would sacrifice myself and save my baby!

Please Lord, let me conquer fear for the sake of my child! 


  1. Oh Jhen! You are not alone! I too face that fear monster every day, and it can be so petrifying at times. At times like those, in the dark with the curtains closed, I cannot help but remember a verse from a G.T. and the Halo Express tape...

    So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

    I'm looking for the cds now for my son. God is good :)

  2. I'm sorry about that, but it's so very funny!! Deep down you knew it wasn't anybody dangerous! :)

    DH goes out of town once a month for reserves and Tyler and I get stuck here alone asking each other, "WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?"

  3. Jhen... I have a feeling you and I would be good friends if we knew each other in person. I AM EXACTLY THE SAME WAY! Fear and worry is something I have to pray about- all the time! I will not even go into the kitchen at night, because I am scared someone will be standing there. I live in probably one the safest little towns in america, but if I so much as hear a creak in the ceiling I am all pins and needles.

    What I do find is that I get worried/scared about things that never actually happen. When bad things do actually happen, I find that I am a heck of a lot stronger than I thought I was. It's like God gives you the strength, when you really need it.

    I think that you are a whole lot stronger than you even know.

    This is really cheesy-- but I heard a pastor say this one: F.E.A.R. stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. SO CHEESY... but so true.

    Have a great day , girl!

  4. Oh I'm right there with you. Since my husband travels so much, we have an alarm that I turn on the moment I enter the house. I also have a cat...and while she's not good at guarding me, she is a good reflector of good and evil - if she's scared, then I'm scared. But yeah, I'm the same way.

  5. Oh- this is so comforting to know I am not alone in what my husband thinks is "totally unnecessary". I always forget to get water before going to bed and then I am too scared to go into the kitchen and get it, so I sweet talk him into getting it for me... he always get's SO mad, but he always does it ;0)

  6. oh, I have the same fear! You are not alone. I pray constantly if I go home alone and we have a lightbulb that comes on automaticaly at night on the porch. It makes me feel better that it looks like someone is home.