A lot of mornings I wake up confident, aware of my place in this world and ok with where that might be.
Then I have other mornings... where I ask myself, "Who do I think I am trying do do this? There are so many people better than me!" And I lose myself in a sea of better talent, better equipment, and better money. If I'm going to be honest, that has been my mornings pretty recently.
Those closest to me will tell you that I have a hard exterior. I come across as intimidating and maybe even a little scary. And what in turn looks like confidence, is really just my shield to sift out those intending to hurt and use me.
It isn't a good thing. I brag about this trait when it came to my brother's girl friends or those guys trying to chase my sister down. But ultimately it's a trait I need to work on. Because deeply my heart cries out for the feeling of significance.
I would be considered a quitter. I dread the question, "where did you go to school?" Because it will eventually lead to "when did you graduate?" I'll have to answer, "I didn't, I dropped out." And then my hubby might chime in with an innocent chuckle that I've dropped out of many schools. Which is true. I attempted Biola University, Beauty School, and then Community College, and lastly, Event Planning school.
I have multiple excuses, some legit, some not so much. But what I find to ring true in the heart of each answer I give, there was someone better at what I wanted to do, so I gave up.
And so sometimes I feel less. Less of a person. Less of a roll in this world. Less significant.
Some people are just made to be "great". Some people are not. I am one of those people that are not meant to have a name that stands out in any one catagory. I haven't and probably wont master anything in life that will make my talent well known. And although a lot of times I really do wake up confident even in that, I do have my mornings.
And so I find myself lost in a craft of more skilled photographers. I find there are those with better equipments. I find myself comparing. Do you ever have those moments?
But I have a passion. A Very Deep Passion. And I do have a skill. A skill I still need to work on. And a skill I still need to perfect. But it is there. And with what I have, I give back. The best of what I can do, I give. And that, is where my heart thrives!
So yes, I have moments where I feel insignificant, unusable, talentless. And yes. There are days I listen to the lies whispered into my heart.
But I have better moments. Moments where I am proud. Moments where I feel confident. Moments where I feel cherished. Moments where I know that what I have to offer is the best that could be asked of me. Moments where I feel Significant!
And the Truth is, that I am. I am a part of a story made for a bigger purpose. And that part I play is just as valuable as the part you play! The Truth is, that my BEST is what can change the world.