Friday, May 6, 2011

Noise

Most days I need to shut up and just listen.  Period.
I constantly have conversations in my head that leave me distracted and removed from what is currently going on around me.  I put words into the situation that I assume the other would be having with me and I try to solve an entire issue based off this conversation.

And these conversations leave me drained and frustrated at those who, in reality, were never really involved.  Yet this noise in my head of chit chats that will probably never occur consume me.

I believe if defined based on what I just wrote, I'd be considered, well, for lack of a better medical word, a nut case.

Then there is the constant need for the television on to drown out the feeling of being alone.  With the sound of conversations going on outside of my head, I'm temporarily calmed for the times when I feel empty.  So the noise of silly fictitious characters occupies my need for communication, and I become oblivious to what is around me.

But despite what is actually right in front of me, I hear the whispers constantly pushing me to believe that I'm not worth any of it.  I hear what I imagine people saying about me, and I feel so tempted to throw in the towel.  And as I sit and beg God to speak in His Voice of Truth, I sometimes hear very little.  So I beg and plead a little louder.  And louder.

And then she walks in with a look of concern as to why mommy is crying.  And I see a face that says "mommy, its ok.  Just be still."  If only mommies naturally knew how to be silent and still.   It's then I come to realize to just silence myself.  Turn down the voices in my head and shut off the tv and just sit.    And as many of you mother's might already have guessed, that silence leads to a moment of rest, or even better, a moment of sleep.

But that rest does more than recharge my batteries, it restarts my day and cleanses my frustrations.  It opens up my hears to hear that which is lovely, that which is divine, that which is pure.  And that rest, reveals to me that no matter the noise, no matter, the voices, there will still be Silence in my heart because it's where He meets me to make me whole.

And right after that rest, I'm greeted with the quirkiest smirk of the most graceful image of God I have ever met face to face...







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10 comments:

  1. I love you. period.

    How can you speak directly to my soul?
    How can you know EXACTLY what is plaguing me?

    Oh yea, We have the same God, who speaks the same things, to mother's who do the same things.

    I am in tears because this is what I do too. And it's something I have been struggling with too. Thank you so much. You are beautiful. Thank you for speaking what He is saying to you -- because I needed to hear it too.

    <3 Walking with the King,
    LC

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  2. Hey Jhen,
    I actually have conversations in my head like that all time. They are so draining. My Aunt is a Spiritual Director, which is basically an in-depth Christian Therapist that helps with soul work and personal growth. In their training, they teach them about the Enneagram which is personality typing stuff but definitely much more in-depth than anything I've ever seen. Anyway, I tested out as a "6", and one of the things they said was that I'm prone to have imagined conversations in my head and then to react from the feelings I get from those conversations that actually never happened. Bummer! It was freeing to realize that yes, I do that, but God is mighty enough to deliver me from my bondage!

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  3. Great post! I love how you said J's face is the most graceful image of God I have ever met face to face. That is sooo sweet! Happy Mothers Day friend! Your a beautiful mama!

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  4. Such a good reminder. Thank you for sharing. I'm a new bloglovin follower! It's so nice to meet other Christian bloggers. Happy Mother's Day!

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  5. Your posts always make me smile! A woman's mind never stops running, that's what my mom always says to me. But we need to focus on being quiet so that God can speak to us, reassure us. Beautiful pictures and thoughts!!

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  6. Thank you for being so humble and revealing. That is what God honors. When we are willing to show how He works in us to others, despite us coming off looking like a weirdo, or "nut case". Inspired am I to see your soul.

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  7. You are definitely not alone in creating full and complete conversations in your head. I do this far too often and actually say out loud to, 'stop it.' God has quieted them down for me as I go through each day of focusing on Him and when I realize I'm not, is when the thoughts, scenarios and conversations come flooding back.

    Enjoy the still quiet times He gives you. :)

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  8. Oh, what beautiful photos...and heartfelt words. So nice to find your blog. Your welcome over at my place. Come and join the party this week.

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  9. You are your pics are GORGEOUS

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  10. I'm annoyed that blogger has not been giving me your blog post updates....grrrr...I have missed 3!! These pictures are SOOOO cute. I have yet to take D to the beach and seeing your beautiful angel soaking up the fun with Daddy is priceless. Love her bathing suit too by the way and D has that dress;0. Darling!

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