Sunday, June 26, 2011

My Very Best

I stood in front of my closet eyeing the items of clothing I was going to donate to my grandparents in the Philippines to donate to the community.  I processed the items of clothing I don't wear and don't really like and began to slip them off the hanger to create a pile.

The pile began to grow bigger.  And bigger.  Finally I was finished and I had an entire trash bag of clothes I realized I didn't wear or want.  And I felt proud.  I felt accomplished.  And then I felt God...

"Give me your best."  

"I'm sorry, what?"  

"Give me your best."  He pressed harder on my heart.

This wasn't an audible conversation.  It was a deep push in my heart to do something that if done on my own prideful accord I wouldn't have easily felt satisfied with my bag of unwanted clothes and felt like I had done "good."

"Give me your best."

I didn't want to do it.  NOT ONE BIT.  I had left my prettiest, favorite, and best items of clothes that I felt would leave me satisfied in my every day upkeep of maintaining America's fashion image.  I left my very best to myself  and gave away the easy unwanted. 

So I sat on the edge of my bed looking into my closet.  

"Ok God, if that is what you want, you have got to help me do it, because you can obviously tell, I really love these clothes."

And as I slowly made my way back to my closet, I asked my husband to be by my side to help me.  To process each item and toss them into the pile, and to say "For this, God, I give you my best."

It's not an easy task.  And it is a task that deserves no praise or accolade.  

I recently joined Jennifer at The Blair Affairs on her project to discover a little bit more of what we actually don't need in our closet by not purchasing an item of clothing for 9 months.  This project is shared as "The Difference Project".  And it is a hard project indeed.  It's not an easy task.  

But as I continued through this project, God pressed it on my heart to go further.  

So I am.  And continue to.  But let me reiterate a previous statement:

It's not an easy task.  And it is a task that deserves no praise or accolade.

I don't deserve to boast.  If my heart and mind were exposed for the world to see as I go through it, you would see a heart that is struggling.  A heart that will try to argue for each item, each choice in order to protect it's selfish desires.  You would see a very tainted heart.

So I deserve nothing.  But through it, I get so much.  Even though this is a hard process and even though it is a battle against the culture I live in that demands prettier, nicer, fancier, wealthier things, I'm resting in Freedom.  And in that freedom, I'm discovering a joy in giving away my very best so that He can have IT ALL.

And I pray that my heart will continue to strive to give more, to love less things, and to embrace His Heart so that my sacrifice will be of worth.