I recently read this post and I seriously felt like this is exactly what she would tell me if we were chatting over coffee about how I feel about photography.
I try to not express too much of how I feel about photography, since I don't want my clients to get a misunderstanding of me and my business, but in this case, this is me. Real thoughts from me.
Sometimes I will look at a photographer's work and just feel like I should just give up.
Right after I read this post, I was on facebook and on my newsfeed, clicked on one of the photogs I follow and read their comment list. Should never have done that. He was dropping all the amazing high end lenses he had recently purchased as well as another camera upgrade. Good for him. He worked hard. But for me all I could do was sit and compare.
I don't own a single pro level lens. Not one. And up until now, we were fully surviving off of a Nikon D5000 and a Nikon D40- which are great cameras that now many people can access removing their need for me. We worked hard to constantly learn and develop our love for photography. And a lot of times I would be able to just shrug my shoulders and say "well then we must be good if we can use these lower models and still produce."
But sometimes, just sometimes, I honestly feel like I'm that bad fruit nobody will buy, and just as Missy Higgins sings "I'm a little bit tired of fearing that I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys, tell me did you think we'd all be the same." Lyrics that I just burst into singing, especially if I'm in the shower.
I know we're good. Always wanting to learn. Always accepting that there is room for improvement. But sometimes I just feel like we'll never get there. Not to a place of stardom, but to a place were our business could get us into a career we fully enjoy and thrive in.
So what am I learning from this:
1. Stop browsing through photogs who I mostly feel defeated by instead of inspired by.
2. Seek the face of Jesus and not the acceptance of man. I need to remember that my investment needs to continue to be in Eternity and not in Stark Love Photography.
3. Just press on.
I didn't ramble on for comments of praise. In fact, I was tempted to turn off comments for this post just so I wouldn't be begging for a "ah Jhen, pick your chin up, you're an amazing photographer." Although I do love those comments, I decided to keep the comments open because I'm sure there are many of you who might feel the same and want someone to process these thoughts with out loud as I did.
Often times, something we love and feel very passionate about pursuing is taken down by discontentment, greed, and selfishness, while other times, just plain feeding into insecurities can be the very thing that will destroy the very thing we love to do.