Some of my favorite words to hear are "Oh, your daughter looks just like you!" I see her face and I just think of all the love inside me I can't even describe or put an amount on. She makes me ridiculously happy. Ridiculously in love.
I'm having to learn some basic things all over again. Like how to be the main cook in the home. How to be the only "mommy" raising this little girl. Simple things that typically kick in right away, but for me, are happening two years later. I'm having to learn to limit myself from other things that keep me from being her mom. This past week, I had learned to say "I'm sorry, but not right now" to a lot of other options in my life. Which for me, is incredibly difficult.
I'm learning that choosing being her mom right now isn't a failure to the life I imagined I would have, but rather a step into the direction of where I'm supposed to be. I became a mom thinking that this didn't mean that my passions in life would be put on hold, so I kept pursuing things that pulled me further away from her. And with a few hard conversations my little booty got a big ol' kick.
I thought I wanted so much more but felt like I was handed the short stick. So I kept begging for more. More. More. When in fact, the very thing I loved in life was following me around. Begging for that extra attention. But I passed her off, asking for just a few more minutes of me time.
So here I am. Learning to breathe her in. Learning to pass of the other things and asking them for a few more minutes of her time. No more faking it. No more pretending. No more hiding the fact, that my daughter is growing before me and I've kept looking past her for the things beyond.