Thursday, July 24, 2014

Starting Again

Here I am again.

I've been really torn about this blogging thing.  Really torn.  I've liked being away for a while.  Some of you may have been following me on instagram, but pulling away from blogging and facebook has given me time to really process some hurts, some missteps, and whether or not I'd get back into blogging.

And here's the truth... I'm nobody famous.  I'm not a professional.  I'm not that cool.  I definitely don't have my stuff together.  I don't have special home maker skills and I most definitely am not a writer.  And those truths about me have been the whispers that have kept me from blogging.

Why in the world would anyone want to keep up with me?  Who do I think I am that I can have a blog and claim to be an expert on anything?  I've written so many posts that never get published and just save as draft.  Sometimes it's been good for me to write as I process experiences, imagine it's been read and move on. Why do I need the "published" feature anyway?  Why is it that I need to put this "stuff" out there?

I thought long and hard on the season in my life that blogging was a big part of.  Blogging was a way for me to find a comfort that life isn't meant to be lived alone.  I was challenged to live harder, with more adventure and fervor than I could have ever imagined on my own.  During that time in my life, I didn't have friends to socialize with and come over for play dates or invite me to coffee.  I slowly started escaping into a digital world.  And I remember the email I received from someone calling me out and claiming that my "blogging" friends only tell me what I want to hear and that my reality is far from anything I could find on the internet...........

I remember that email well.  I slowly started questioning everything I'd put online.  My posts were few and farther and farther apart.  I let her words eat at me.

What I forgot was that I did indeed have a reality.  My blogger friends started inviting me to coffee.  My blogger friends were the ones who skyped me on days that I needed someone to talk to.  My blogger friends became REAL life friends.

And still to this day, many of them still are.  They are the ones that hold me accountable.  Challenge me when I get complacent, and are some of the first to send a note or email when they know that I'm having a hard time.  It became a community of people who were going through similar things in life, having similar convictions, and wanting the same kind of adventure.  We found encouragement in each others writings and well, we really liked looking at each other's pretty pictures we'd take, because YES, sometimes I dress up JUST FOR A PHOTO and NO, I do not look like this all the time.

So I got my booty in check and realized that I want to blog because I love it.  I want to blog because I can.  I want to blog because for me, blogging is a part of my personality- the whacky, crazy, storytelling, mind processing personality- and its my avenue to let ya'll into a part of our lives as we carry on this adventure of ministry and how we're navigating the waters of a life of living simply.

So if you're still around.... maybe, just maybe you are.........  I'm starting again.  So here goes.........


6 comments:

  1. Hooray! Actually, I have always enjoyed reading life and seeing it through your eyes. You have such a way of making things beautiful. You certainly DO have special home maker skills - you made two beautiful girls for one! And from following you on instagram and following your photography biz, you bring beauty to all you touch. This is your space so make it yours.

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  2. Long time, friend!! I hardly ever read from google dashboard anymore, but then I saw this post from you pop up! You were one of my very first REAL bloggy friends.... 4 years ago. The first blogger that I skyped with... remember that? Those are the reasons I continue to blog.... not just for me... but for the friendships and community of it all. And I'm so happy to hear that you are getting back to it!

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  3. This is truly beautiful!
    I found you from instagram (fridayintros)....and I really needed to read this today.
    Truth is for me as well that my so called "blogger friends" who have quit calling that and just call them my friends now....have walked with me through a hard season of transition and loneliness that it seems like no one else has really cared about enough to read my blog, send e-mails, and FaceTime about.
    I love your whole last paragraph! It's beautiful! Blog girl! I will now be here reading along! :)

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