Let's Hear it For the Chins

Let me interrupt my silence while I'm remodeling and tune you into this...

Glorious isn't it?  Purely Glorious!

She's On My Heart

Its not really that early here, but I'm tired none-the-less.  I've had serious  thoughts rolling over and over again in my mind day and night that have kept me from ever fully resting.  But I can't complain.  They are thoughts that push me, challenge me, and redefine my "in the box" ideas of who my God is.

I'm a simple mother.  Not quite the kind I imagined myself to be, but I am.  But I'm a passionate one.  And my favorite moments of my days are when it is me with my precious one rocking to sleep for nap time.  The fan is blowing and she nestles right into my arms and stares as I pray out loud.  I pray over her.  Her future husband, and the children around the world as innocent as her who don't have arms to nestle into and be rocked.  

Its always in those times that I cry.  Because as much as my heart is full, it hurts.  And there are honest times when I look at her and ask myself, "why did I allow such an innocent soul to enter such an ugly world?"  

I don't regret having my daughter.  She is a gift to be treasured, embraced, nurtured, and loved.  But sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the ugliness this world has to offer and I can't imagine any of that happening to her.  I don't want to imagine.  Then I get frustrated that I have already exposed her to it all just by birthing her.

And sometimes, I have thoughts that say "and now I'll be held back."  I know you think these are terrible thoughts, but then, might you be the ones whispering them?  Like by comments like "you can't go to that country, what about your daughter?  What if you die?  She will lose her mother!"  Or, "you can't up and move there, think about your daughter.!"

All responsible thoughts.  But that's just it, I DO THINK OF HER.  ALL THE TIME.  So when opportunities arise, she's the first one I consider.  Yet, I feel so pulled to a deeper trust than the comfortable trust our culture beckons us to.  A trust that says "If and no matter what."  I desire deeper blessings than that which typically get glorified on facebook and that have less to do with what I get and more to do with what others receive.

 I see her innocence.  I see her desperate need for love and for protection.  I see her desire for hands to hold that will lead her.  I see her heart built to trust.  And all of that I pray, with ever inch of what my heart can hold, I pray that I can do exactly what I have been created to do for her, while at the same time, abandoning the very desires of my own self and the very desires this culture screams at me to crave, and seek the face of my Jesus and His commands.

See, Jesus gave her to me.  He allowed me this gift to raise, to cherish and to teach up in a way that she would also respond to His command to love others, to tell more people about Him, and to Bring Him Glory.  She is my ministry.  She is my child.  She is my heart.  And although my mind can't sometimes grasp her timing, Jesus did so perfectly and wonderfully, and with that, the three of us are a power no man can separate.    

I am far from having it all together!  I don't have the answers to all of life's questions, or many of them for that matter.  I'm a complete mess when it comes to organized thoughts in my head.  And I make terrible, terrible mistakes.  I'm not better than you nor do I claim to be some humble woman in need of pity or accolade.  I merely write the thoughts as I continue to process them.  

   

__________and__________

Don't forget to check out the "Ask the Husband" post to send in your questions for Jon to answer... It's going to get crrrr.a.z.y!

__________BE:ACTIVE__________

Redefining Intimacy

I'm being molded.  I'm being shaped.  And along the way you've been there to see it all happen.  And He isn't finished with me yet.

I was cradling my little one to sleep when a flood of memories rushed back into my heart.  In my mind, I was with them again.  All seven of them.  I held them close and refused to let them go.  And I wept.  They weren't really there.  They were far away from me.  But I wanted them so bad.  The memories would shift.  The good.  Then the bad.  The enemy whispered his lies, and I'd suppress it.  No, I'd yell.  I can't go through it all again.  It hurt way too much.

They are gone from me, and all I have left is this gorgeous face of big brown eyes.  So I squeeze her tighter, and pray for that to be enough.  They are gone, and I have to learn to be ok with that.

And then I felt His presence and it swept over me with a wave of strength.  So I yelled against my enemy as tears dripped down my cheeks... 

"NO, YOU WILL NOT WIN.  NOT THIS TIME.  NOT EVER.  I MESSED UP.  I FAILED.  BUT I AM COVERED AND YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY."  

She remained sleeping as I rocked back and forth.

So He held my heart.  And He beckoned me to a place I had never been before.  A much deeper place than I imagined.  A place where He says, remain in me and I with you.  Be silent my daughter and let's redefine your intimacy with me.

I still have a lot of hurt that needs to be brought to light.  A lot my enemy has been successful to keep in darkness so that I might be hindered.

I remember the drive away from the home that held the very souls that changed my world forever.  I remember the sudden break and my heart shatter.  I remember it all.  And I remember a song that played on the radio as we turned away from the ranch.  And that same song, filled my heart this night I held my daughter...

There is no guilt here

There is no shame

No pointing fingers

There is no blame

What happened yesterday…has disappeared

The dirt has washed away

And now it's clear

There's only grace

There's only love

There's only mercy and believe me it's enough

Your sins are gone

Without a trace

And there's nothing left now

There's only grace

You're starting over now

Under the sun

You're stepping forward now

A new life has begun

Your new life has begun

An’ there's only grace

There's only love

There's only mercy and believe me…it's enough

Your sins are gone

Without a trace

And there's nothing left now

There's only grace…

-Matthew West

So as He redefines my intimacy with Him, I say thank you to the hearts that have extended to mine.  And although this isn't goodbye, I'll be seeing you with a freshness that smells of Grace.

Amen.

Bring Back to Consciousness

Some days are better left as sweet savored memories in my heart.  Those days I leave the camera at home and simply enjoy the time with my most prized possessions and keep those intimate moments between us.

Then there are the days I know I'll want to bring back to consciousness with tangible memories of the moments best described with images.  So as I prep to fill the pages of my photo album with captions that fill my heart, I look back on the week that's past and see that my life is full of bright, happy, and absolutely delicious moments that I would rather not go without.

Happily I've embraced the days that daddy has had to head off to work and make it a goal to know my daughter deeper.  Her every sigh and ever smirk leave an imprint of something so unique no soul can replace.  And as moments go by so quickly, I yearn to savor every little bit of her so that in the end I can leave her with the comfort that she is indeed all her own.

With each skip and giggle we've tackled the luxurious Victoria Gardens...

We lathered our bodies with sprinkled fairy dust and played hide-and-go-seek in the backyard...

And as we transition into yet another adventure in our lives, I have earnestly sought out the very me in the very ones I have learned to give myself away to.  For although my identity lies in no one else, the very depth of who I am I freely give to them.  I have seen in their hearts the pieces of me that they've received with a cheerful spirit and it makes my job, my duty, and my very passion as his wife and her mother, all the more worth it!

Mama's Gone Thrifty!

I see nothing wrong with thrift stores... never have.  I just never really ventured into one unless I was one the prowl for a tea pot.  But... I am IN LOVE with all things THRIFTY!  It's my new Forever21 and H&M.

And when becoming a mama has made my priorities change, I have to learn to make do.  All our money goes to financing the life of a child.  I love it.  So I've had to discover new ways to take care of myself at the littlest of cost... so I entered Thrift Stores.

I fell in love with The Salvation Army and Goodwill.  We've been able to purchase vintage chairs and vintage props for our photography all by walking into a thrift store, scouting the perfect object , spending the cash and cleaning it up to BRAND NEW!  And no one can even tell!  So... I got to thinking, all these cute fashion gals are always listing their cute clothes coming from thrift stores, so I might be able to find something myself... and so began my love affair with all things USED!

Take the Blazer.  That amazing HOT PINK blazer!  $2.00!  NOT KIDDING.  And I'm in love.  Seriously, I love getting what YOU give away ;)  Since I can't afford pay full price, might as well wait until you're done with it.  Ha!  Smart thinking!

And so my closet is getting a revamp, because baby turned a year and I no longer have the "no-make-up-in-sweats-all-day" excuse.  It just wont fly for my husband any more...

The Updo: The Tutorial

I couldn't be more flattered by the amazing response to my Updo post and oddly enough, you made that my most commented post!  Although I am far from a fashionista (that is my sister-in-law's job), I am quite proud to say I do know a thing or two about Updos (because I went to beauty school)!

So, by popular demand, I'm bring you a How To, if you will, on how I did a simple sweep up of the classic bun.

Step 1: Spray Psst dry shampoo to add volume.  I typically think that the grundgier the hair, the easier it is to mold.  So I use dry shampoo to rid the hair of day old oils as well as give the hair some BODY!

Step 2: Tease- Whip that back comb out (or a regular comb if you don't have one) and tease the HECK out of your hair... the more you tease, the more the voluptuous body!

Step 3: Bobby Pin It- I prefer my mini Snookie bump off center, so I pin that up and then sweep the crown of my hairs by coming from the front sides and loosely pulling back and pinning up!

Step 4: Swoop it up into a pony- place your pony at whatever height.

Step 5:  ENOUGH SAID

Step 6: Pull It and Pin It.  This is the tricky part!  First loop the pony through the band upwards instead of the typical bun downwards, and leave it halfway.  Pull at the bun strands and pin them into desired place.  I just randomly pin it.

 Step 7: ROCK IT!  You owned this updo!  Now it's time for you to ROCK IT with confidence and flare!

  

I hope you enjoyed this little Tutorial!  If you end up whipping up your own version I'd love to see it!  

The Updo

I'm a hair in a bun kind of girl!  Plus, my daughter thinks it's funny to pull hair, so UP IT GOES!   In result, I've had to learn to get crafty with these long locks of mine.  So with a little tease and a whole lotta bobby pins, and a twist and a twirl, and updo it is. 

I totally did get excited about having my pictures taken the other day.  I'm not typically in front of the camera, and I see all these results of beautiful images of gorgeous girls I've taken, but I never seem to feel confident enough to do the same.  Until yesterday, when YOU all showered me with confidence!  You boosted my morale!  


And I have to say, I'm an advocate of a special kind of beauty.  REAL and RAW beauty!  I have a husband, who although likes it when I clean up and dress up, makes me feel beautiful even when I feel like I'm not.  So I do feel comfortable in my own skin (just not the layers of flubber under it)!  But anyway, I had too much fun.  So, I'm taking back my blog.  Joss will VERY much be the one who runs things around here.  But I exist too, and I'M GOING TO OWN IT!