I'm not that private. But I am obsessed.
I've been having sleepless nights going over conversations in my head with people that I would probably never talk to face to face. Why is that? Well, because I am too involved on Facebook.
And after 2am wake ups that find me hunched over under the sheets with my cell phone lit up reading through status updates, facebook messages, or random comments, I have finally come to realize I HAVE A PROBLEM
My problem isn't with anyone else. It's with me. I write without thinking and I really am exhausted emotionally from the responses I've received through my own ignorance. The problem isn't facebook. The problem is me.
I've recently read a book called, Radical by David Platt which challenged my entire understanding of life in general. Through it, I dug deeper into Scriptures and found that I have a deeper desire to be more intimate with people. I long for friendships that challenge me and inspire me. I want to be personable and real with more than just images and words on a computer screen.
And as days have passed, I have realized that what I have invested most in my facebook profile has limited my investment into more intimate relationships. And although I've received some amazing, encouraging and challenging emails and comments through facebook, I've received just as much condemnation in it as well. And the truth is, I'm not strong enough to deal with it. I'm just not.
When I cry to my husband over words I've received, he asks, "well, why did you invite it with your status update?" And aint that the gosh honest truth. Although I don't always feel like I deserve it, I did invite it. So I have to remove the invitation all together and say goodbye to an era I am having a hard time letting go of.
And in letting go, I realized how much I've allowed my own identity to be in a virtual profile. WOW. I said it. I was finding my identity in the photos I uploaded to an album, or the responses I would receive on my status updates; good or bad. And that is so far from the person I really want to be.
So I finally say goodbye.
However, connecting with people is important. So in order to remain connected with accountability, I've found a creative way to connect with my dearest via facebook by creating a more impersonalized account that will link and update on our adventures in photography and blogging. Much like this blog does. And the best part about it... no notifications linked to my cell phone!