Wednesday, February 16, 2011

My Little World Got A Whole Lot Bigger

My own little world got a whole lot bigger today.  I had every intention of putting a fun blog post together about our travels to the Safari Park and Disneyland that were gifted to us after Josselyn's birthday, but when silly giggles turned to loud screams and crying, my plans quickly changed.

I swooped up my little girl in my arms and drove what seemed like the longest ride to the hospital we had ever driven.  Her arm was in excruciating pain and just flopped limp.  I was afraid that my fourteenth month old daughter had just broken her arm.

As we entered the emergency room, I realized the world I grew up in with fancy doctor's offices and quiet people keeping to themselves was no longer the world I lived in.  I now belonged to the world of low income families.

The environment was completely different.  And as I saw a sea of faces with a look of lost hope, I realized there was more to my world than what I had known.

Joss was quickly called back and Jon was the only one allowed back.  So I sat and waited... alone.

Yelling suddenly erupted as a man in line accused another man of child abuse.   With two little children at his side, the accused began cursing the accuser as the accuser shot back just as loud and fierce.  And the topic switched, in what seemed like an instance, to an issue of racial intolerance.  The entire room of soon to be patients broke out in a fight of words as each "race" became offended and defensive of what they believe to be "their own kind."  I curled into a ball right there in my chair and prayed.

I was certain that a gun would eventually pop it's little head out of any one of the baggy jackets worn and I would find myself in Eternity.  The yelling continued to grow louder and obscenities and racial slurs seemed to be piercing from every angle of the waiting room.

I was in a room full of hurting people.  But not just the physical pain, but the pain that lied deeper into the soul.  Security guards stepped in and it took some time for the crowd of angry people to subside.

We read and watch from the comfort of our homes about the turmoil going on down in the areas of town we avoid.  And there I was, smack dab in the middle of it.  There were little babies wrapped in over-sized adult jackets, children in shoes that were falling apart, and parents slumped over at their whits end.  I was surrounded by people of all different skin colors and even in the anger, everyone, at that moment seemed the same.  Angry and hurting.

At this point, I heard the loud scream followed by the cries in a voice only a mommy could recognize.  I would later learn that was the moment they popped my little girls arm back into place.  I curled up and prayed all over again.  My baby girl is crying in pain and I'm walls between her.  I felt helpless.

But today I was reminded, that the world I create and filter myself, is really quite bigger.  I am thankful that Joss was not seriously injured.  I am thankful that I do not have to live in hospital walls like many other's do.  I am thankful that I was given the chance to see that there are other's out there with a need I could meet.  And when moments where I want to break down and cry over my lack of "havings" I'm thankful I'm reminded just how much I actually do have!

And I'm thankful I have this one to cuddle with:





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20 comments:

  1. oh girl you made me cry. I am SO sorry about Joss! What a horrible thing to go through with your little one, any kind of injury or sickness is scary.

    It breaks my heart for what happened in the emergency room, we are lucky to have state Medicaid so we see lots of those situations too. I just wish everyone knew that they were loved! You keep praying, I will do.

    Give your girl a big hug from us

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  2. awe.... you made me cry... you have such a way with words. That first visit to an ER with your little one... oh man, it's the worst. It truly is crazy how eye opening it is. Praise God your little one is ok, and that it was something easily fixed.

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  3. You are such an amazing writer first of all. This post really drew me in and I felt like I was there. I was worried about your beautiful little girl, broken-hearted for all those who are suffering and lost... and angry that they made you wait in the waiting room! Seriously?! That is just not right... But I am glad she will be ok, and I am just reminded again that I do not live in the safe little world I create for myself. We are not called to stay where it is safe, and this has been a struggle for me since Aiden was born. I don't WANT to open my eyes to the sadness and hurt because it means my son will grow up in that world. But God doesn't want us to be blind to those who suffer, and so I appreciate the reminder tonight.

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  4. Oh my goodness!! I would be so nervous/scared/anxious! Poor little Josselyn!!! I'm just so thankful that she's alright, and that her arm wasn't broken. What an ordeal to go through! But WHEW, so glad it's over! *loves & hugs*
    xoxo

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  5. Poor baby :[ you are such an inspiration to me, your faith and the immediate thought to pray...is just awesome!! Thank you for that.

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  6. Poor baby girl! Glad she's ok. The ER is not a fun place with a baby. :(

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  7. Oh my goodness, Jhen! I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that... I cannot even imagine. Not knowing what was going on with Joss, then something like that happening. I don't know what I would have done. But I'm so happy that everything is fine now and you sweet girl is okay.

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  8. Poor Joss! This post was really eye-opening! I hope baby girl feels better soon!

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  9. I am so sorry for little Joss and for you guys!! I sometimes wonder who aches more...the child who is hurting or the parent who wants to take away their pain so badly. That would be SOOOO hard on me. I'm glad she is okay now. How did she break her arm? A fall? I'm so not looking forward to those days! SIgh. HAng in there mama!

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  10. oh my goodness! Poor little one. Hope she gets better soon. Glad it wasn't serious!

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  11. oh honey......that day sounds awful!!! I can't believe you were in a hospital where that kind of fighting took place and I can't believe little Joss.... :( I know that pain all too well. My daughter swallowed 35 exedrin pills and we were rushed to the er and then flight for lifed to Denver....soo scary :( I'm glad she is home and resting......poor baby girl

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  12. I'm sorry! I understand exactly what you are saying. I grew up going to Er's like this. Places like this. It's scary. Thank God we have a savior!

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  13. So scary! I am glad it was nothing serious. Hope she is feeling 100% now. Poor girl!

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  14. Now that is pain holy geez!! I so hope her arm is feeling better.. you are so brave waiting in the waiting room

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  15. Oh little Josslyn -- we hope you feel better soon!

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  16. Poor baby Joss! The same thing happened with my son when he was one. I think they called it nursemaid elbow and it's where his elbow can pop out of the socket easily. It's always scary and painful, but as soon as it is back in place- it's like nothing ever happened! Be careful and keep an eye on it because if babies have it, I guess they are more prone to it happening again. (If it's the same thing!)

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  17. Bless your hearts. I know that had to have been scary. I can't even imagine. So, so scary. But it's such a blessing during those times that we are reminded of what we really DO have and what is REALLY important.

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  18. Oh dear I do hope your little lady is feeling much better now! Such a scary experience.

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