My own little world got a whole lot bigger today. I had every intention of putting a fun blog post together about our travels to the Safari Park and Disneyland that were gifted to us after Josselyn's birthday, but when silly giggles turned to loud screams and crying, my plans quickly changed.
I swooped up my little girl in my arms and drove what seemed like the longest ride to the hospital we had ever driven. Her arm was in excruciating pain and just flopped limp. I was afraid that my fourteenth month old daughter had just broken her arm.
As we entered the emergency room, I realized the world I grew up in with fancy doctor's offices and quiet people keeping to themselves was no longer the world I lived in. I now belonged to the world of low income families.
The environment was completely different. And as I saw a sea of faces with a look of lost hope, I realized there was more to my world than what I had known.
Joss was quickly called back and Jon was the only one allowed back. So I sat and waited... alone.
Yelling suddenly erupted as a man in line accused another man of child abuse. With two little children at his side, the accused began cursing the accuser as the accuser shot back just as loud and fierce. And the topic switched, in what seemed like an instance, to an issue of racial intolerance. The entire room of soon to be patients broke out in a fight of words as each "race" became offended and defensive of what they believe to be "their own kind." I curled into a ball right there in my chair and prayed.
I was certain that a gun would eventually pop it's little head out of any one of the baggy jackets worn and I would find myself in Eternity. The yelling continued to grow louder and obscenities and racial slurs seemed to be piercing from every angle of the waiting room.
I was in a room full of hurting people. But not just the physical pain, but the pain that lied deeper into the soul. Security guards stepped in and it took some time for the crowd of angry people to subside.
We read and watch from the comfort of our homes about the turmoil going on down in the areas of town we avoid. And there I was, smack dab in the middle of it. There were little babies wrapped in over-sized adult jackets, children in shoes that were falling apart, and parents slumped over at their whits end. I was surrounded by people of all different skin colors and even in the anger, everyone, at that moment seemed the same. Angry and hurting.
At this point, I heard the loud scream followed by the cries in a voice only a mommy could recognize. I would later learn that was the moment they popped my little girls arm back into place. I curled up and prayed all over again. My baby girl is crying in pain and I'm walls between her. I felt helpless.
But today I was reminded, that the world I create and filter myself, is really quite bigger. I am thankful that Joss was not seriously injured. I am thankful that I do not have to live in hospital walls like many other's do. I am thankful that I was given the chance to see that there are other's out there with a need I could meet. And when moments where I want to break down and cry over my lack of "havings" I'm thankful I'm reminded just how much I actually do have!
And I'm thankful I have this one to cuddle with: