Guess What We Did

We only gave her bangs, and her hair is in a pony tail... but our baby girl is looking less and less baby.

Born to Mother

It's a natural attachment that I love to nurture.  She's fallen hard for their faces and expresses a love for them that I believe expresses the heart she was created to have.

She was born with the desire to mother.  

She cuddles them.  Pats their backs as she holds them close to her shoulder.  She knows them by name.

All photos posted were taken by Benham Photographers

I always said I wanted 12 kids.  And I still do.  But what I want has been broken down and restored to say "I want endless."  Not quite Duggar Style, but endless.  Biological.  Adopted.  Fostered.  Or just born in my heart.  Endless.

And that desire to love on children I see shine brighter in my little one.  And even though playing with dolls is a natural developmental stage for little girls, I see her embrace it as if they were real.  I see her concern when she is cold, because to her, they are cold too.  I see her face scrunch in a frown when she senses that they are hurting.  

She's expressing her love for them.  Each and every one.  

She is meant to love in ways far greater than I can comprehend.  She is meant to be someone special in the hearts of many.  And even if her name never gets famous or her face recognized from a crowd, I know that she was created for something great.  

__________OH, Wait__________

Oh, and friends, before I go, I'm over at Kel's blog, Then There Were 5, today!  She's asked me to write something that is incredibly personal and incredibly important and I'm humbled that she thought my response to her interest would be of worth!  So I would LOVE it if you checked her out, because even without me, she's SO WORTH IT!

__________AND__________

Remember seeing those links at the bottom of my posts?  Well, they'll be coming back soon.  Real soon.

My Very Best

I stood in front of my closet eyeing the items of clothing I was going to donate to my grandparents in the Philippines to donate to the community.  I processed the items of clothing I don't wear and don't really like and began to slip them off the hanger to create a pile.

The pile began to grow bigger.  And bigger.  Finally I was finished and I had an entire trash bag of clothes I realized I didn't wear or want.  And I felt proud.  I felt accomplished.  And then I felt God...

"Give me your best."  

"I'm sorry, what?"  

"Give me your best."  He pressed harder on my heart.

This wasn't an audible conversation.  It was a deep push in my heart to do something that if done on my own prideful accord I wouldn't have easily felt satisfied with my bag of unwanted clothes and felt like I had done "good."

"Give me your best."

I didn't want to do it.  NOT ONE BIT.  I had left my prettiest, favorite, and best items of clothes that I felt would leave me satisfied in my every day upkeep of maintaining America's fashion image.  I left my very best to myself  and gave away the easy unwanted. 

So I sat on the edge of my bed looking into my closet.  

"Ok God, if that is what you want, you have got to help me do it, because you can obviously tell, I really love these clothes."

And as I slowly made my way back to my closet, I asked my husband to be by my side to help me.  To process each item and toss them into the pile, and to say "For this, God, I give you my best."

It's not an easy task.  And it is a task that deserves no praise or accolade.  

I recently joined Jennifer at The Blair Affairs on her project to discover a little bit more of what we actually don't need in our closet by not purchasing an item of clothing for 9 months.  This project is shared as "The Difference Project".  And it is a hard project indeed.  It's not an easy task.  

But as I continued through this project, God pressed it on my heart to go further.  

So I am.  And continue to.  But let me reiterate a previous statement:

It's not an easy task.  And it is a task that deserves no praise or accolade.

I don't deserve to boast.  If my heart and mind were exposed for the world to see as I go through it, you would see a heart that is struggling.  A heart that will try to argue for each item, each choice in order to protect it's selfish desires.  You would see a very tainted heart.

So I deserve nothing.  But through it, I get so much.  Even though this is a hard process and even though it is a battle against the culture I live in that demands prettier, nicer, fancier, wealthier things, I'm resting in Freedom.  And in that freedom, I'm discovering a joy in giving away my very best so that He can have IT ALL.

And I pray that my heart will continue to strive to give more, to love less things, and to embrace His Heart so that my sacrifice will be of worth.

Two Love Birds...

I'm passionate, but I'm not too mushy.  It makes my insides well up, I screech a high pitch sound, and I feel utterly uncomfortable.

But sometimes, things are just too emotional and I become a big sap.

But then there are times that are so deep with emotion that only my heart can hold it, treasure it, and value it for what it is.  And although my face says very little, my hearts speaks it with a million melodies.  And that time happened today.

Today, the little boy who drove me nuts and pushed my limits as a kid, who was my roommate for 6 months before I moved out of home and into one with my husband, who can make me laugh harder than anyone other than Jon yet cry harder than anyone other than Jon, who argues every word literally it drives me mad, and who I call brother, stepped into the shoes that are making him leader of his home as he took his bride and started the adventure of building their own family.  Their own home.

Today my brother, Jimmy, and Sis in Love, Jen, flew to Alaska for their base where they will get to go house hunting, buy necessary items we don't ever think about but always seem to use (like a spatula), decorate their space, fight over bills, go to bed mad, but wake up and make up, and make a home where HE gets to be in CHARGE and SHE gets to RUN IT.  Or vice versa.  Whatever.

They will be missed, but I can't even grasp my own excitement for them as they get to fly away and make a nest.  And even though their little niece is walking around looking for her uncle who will play her guitar or auntie who will chase her with her camera, she knows how truly she's loved by them.  And  she'll miss the bond and relationship she had with her Auntie and Uncle, but I promise to remind her over and over again about the time she had with them.  

To read more about their new adventures in Alaska, follow her writings and pretty pictures (because although I took this images, it was her camera gear that did most of the work) by visiting her blog, JenHammer.com.  To Airman Hammer and his beautiful bride, Jen, I love you and happy HOME MAKING!

Let's Hear it For the Chins

Let me interrupt my silence while I'm remodeling and tune you into this...

Glorious isn't it?  Purely Glorious!

We're Off...

Hey ya'll!

We're up in Northern Cali this weekend for a Filipino Family Reunion (yes, I'm half flip).

So we'll be back down with stories to tell, photos to share and a whole new blog design (currently I have blog design creativity up the wazoo thanks to my lack of expressing it elsewhere).  

So enjoy your weekend.  Be Safe, and Rock it like it's 1986!

__________BE:Active__________

Ask The Husband: The Answers

So are you ready for a little bit into the mind of my husband?  Well, with the questions we got, he answered honestly.  And for me, someone who knows him in and out, listening to him answer the questions was quite hilarious.  

1.  When will you be moving closer to the Knight family?  Hahaha.  Did you not get the memo that we're moving up there this weekend?  Ok, no.  More like when the weather is exactly like California.  

2.  What is your view point on your wife being a stay at home mom, or not being one? Are there days that you resent having to provide for the family all on your own?  I like it and that's what I want.  I prefer her to be home, but more of her being off the computer and more time with Jossie.  And no, I don't have days where I resent it.  It's just built in me, I guess.  I've excepted that in Genesis I'm destined that "by the sweat of my brow"  I'll get my food.  Basically, I know I'm meant to work.    

3.  Are there any topics you have told her to not put on her blog?  Not necessarily topics but definitely pictures.  No pictures of our little girl with her shirt off.  There's a bunch of creepy ol' sickos out there.

4.  .What do you love most about your wife? besides everything like we do.  How big her heart is and how she's a woman chasing after God's own heart.  I used to love how straight and nice her teeth were.  Seriously.  It's what first caught my attention.  Then she didn't wear her retainer and they're crooked again.  So as soon as insurance kicks in she's getting braces.    

5.  Mr. Max wants to know if Jon represents with his shorts and boots when he fishes in the concete pond??!! (and the Elrods's love the Starks)  HAHAH HAHA What's up Mr. Max!  I don't go fishing out here any more.  I got a taste of the South and it's just not the same out here.  But I do miss tearin' up all the bass out there in Arkansas.  Remember when we were at Scout Camp and we got into a canoe and we went down the stream and I'm pretty sure I out bassed you!  haha  Good times!

6.  What is Jhen's dessert of choice?  Scotchmallows from See's Candies

7.  What is Jhen's favorite place to shop...when $$ is available?  H&M and Forever 21 (the devil stores).

8.  If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?  Arkansas.  Hands Down.  Cause there's land, green, and fishing.  

9.  If Jhen could visit anywhere in the world, where would she go and why?  Everywhere!  Any country that would allow her.  Why?  Just to mark it on the facebook app "where have you been".  She's weird like that.

10.  How do you feel about Jhen's blog?  Would you change anything?  I would change her time on it.  I don't like her on the computer that much.  She used to say that she had to be on here mingling in the blog world for other people to find her and know about her blog.  I didn't like it.  I still kind of don't.  Not her blog, but the time spent blogging.  I love when she reads back her posts to me and I see from the emails she gets that she's serving some sort of purpose and that's cool, I just want her active and living.  I'm all about doing things and less about sitting around.  But I do like her most recent shift on the blog.  She's gutsy and saying things that I see are making her more unpopular, but better to sift out the ones she truly wouldn't melt with anyway because she really does speak from her heart. 

11.  How do you feel about being a dad to a little girl?  I love it.  I actually always wanted only little girls.  I had a friend who had three little girls and watching him with them made me so badly want to be a dad to three little girls.  I don't want any more biological kids, so I would adopt boy or girl, but having a little girl is the most scariest thing I face each day.  The girls gorgeous.  Truly gorgeous and I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to give her away.  So baby boys, step up to the plate because you'll have big shoes to fill because she'll always love her daddy. 

A Backyard Melody

My entire side of the family is in town for a short two weeks.  So we're all together which brings a lot of laughter and a lot of these moments.

We grew up performing in whatever way we were told or asked, and although I rolled my eyes at it back in the day, now it's lovely memories.  So, here it is:

Our Cover of Eisley's "Trolley Wood"

Trolley Wood Cover from Jhen Stark on Vimeo.

Vocals: Jen Hammer, Jhen Stark, Jaclyn Hammer
Guitar:  Jimmy Hammer
Harmonica: Zack Thompson

Love the Dopeness?  Well guess what... From Here to Eternity has opened up for "Supporters" and your add for your etsy shop, business, boutique or blog can be featured on my sidebar as well as my "Support Us" page for $3.00 a month.  The money will go to funding our global trips and the organizations we're working with... check out the "Support Us" page for detailed info.

  

__________and__________

Jon answer's your questions from this post tomorrow!  

She's On My Heart

Its not really that early here, but I'm tired none-the-less.  I've had serious  thoughts rolling over and over again in my mind day and night that have kept me from ever fully resting.  But I can't complain.  They are thoughts that push me, challenge me, and redefine my "in the box" ideas of who my God is.

I'm a simple mother.  Not quite the kind I imagined myself to be, but I am.  But I'm a passionate one.  And my favorite moments of my days are when it is me with my precious one rocking to sleep for nap time.  The fan is blowing and she nestles right into my arms and stares as I pray out loud.  I pray over her.  Her future husband, and the children around the world as innocent as her who don't have arms to nestle into and be rocked.  

Its always in those times that I cry.  Because as much as my heart is full, it hurts.  And there are honest times when I look at her and ask myself, "why did I allow such an innocent soul to enter such an ugly world?"  

I don't regret having my daughter.  She is a gift to be treasured, embraced, nurtured, and loved.  But sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the ugliness this world has to offer and I can't imagine any of that happening to her.  I don't want to imagine.  Then I get frustrated that I have already exposed her to it all just by birthing her.

And sometimes, I have thoughts that say "and now I'll be held back."  I know you think these are terrible thoughts, but then, might you be the ones whispering them?  Like by comments like "you can't go to that country, what about your daughter?  What if you die?  She will lose her mother!"  Or, "you can't up and move there, think about your daughter.!"

All responsible thoughts.  But that's just it, I DO THINK OF HER.  ALL THE TIME.  So when opportunities arise, she's the first one I consider.  Yet, I feel so pulled to a deeper trust than the comfortable trust our culture beckons us to.  A trust that says "If and no matter what."  I desire deeper blessings than that which typically get glorified on facebook and that have less to do with what I get and more to do with what others receive.

 I see her innocence.  I see her desperate need for love and for protection.  I see her desire for hands to hold that will lead her.  I see her heart built to trust.  And all of that I pray, with ever inch of what my heart can hold, I pray that I can do exactly what I have been created to do for her, while at the same time, abandoning the very desires of my own self and the very desires this culture screams at me to crave, and seek the face of my Jesus and His commands.

See, Jesus gave her to me.  He allowed me this gift to raise, to cherish and to teach up in a way that she would also respond to His command to love others, to tell more people about Him, and to Bring Him Glory.  She is my ministry.  She is my child.  She is my heart.  And although my mind can't sometimes grasp her timing, Jesus did so perfectly and wonderfully, and with that, the three of us are a power no man can separate.    

I am far from having it all together!  I don't have the answers to all of life's questions, or many of them for that matter.  I'm a complete mess when it comes to organized thoughts in my head.  And I make terrible, terrible mistakes.  I'm not better than you nor do I claim to be some humble woman in need of pity or accolade.  I merely write the thoughts as I continue to process them.  

   

__________and__________

Don't forget to check out the "Ask the Husband" post to send in your questions for Jon to answer... It's going to get crrrr.a.z.y!

__________BE:ACTIVE__________

Ask The Husband: The Questions

Although I'm an incredibly passionate person, I will keep things not so, convicting on this blog.  I promise.  Because, I have to realize that there are moments, when I'm "waiting" that I have to enjoy the here and now, as you do too, despite the heartbreak we might be feeling for the rest of the world.

And recently, I've received questions that dig further into who we are as a family, so I thought, who better to answer, than the Leader of our Household and the silly man usually rolling his eyes when I log into blogger...   So....

Jon has promised to answer all the questions that come in.  Fun, huh?!?!  

So here's what you do, leave a comment below with your questions or email your questions (if you prefer it more private).  Ask anything you'd like as long as it's appropriate!  Whether its about me, him, our family, this blog, or anything else, ask away and he'll answer in a future post.  Fun.  Pure fun, I say!

Email them to jhen.stark@gmail.com

(I totally got Jon's permission to post this.  I respect and love my husband dearly and this silly side of him is one of his favorite sides.)

___________DO SOMETHING____________

Each post will sign off with a link to an organization you get get involved with by donating, advocating, or sponsoring.  

It's Naptime

Today, you can find me here:

This lady is absolutely splendid!  Pure delight and purely worthy of your time.  So stop over, get to know a little more about me, but make sure to get to know a lot about her and browse through!

And guess what, you might want to follow 'cause she has some other pretty lovely ladies lined up for the rest of the week.  

A Very Large Difference: A response to my last post

I received an overwhelming response to my last post, which I shared off of emotion.  I apologize with bringing you information, yet not bringing you resources to act.

The biggest way to fight human trafficking is to work on the "demand" for sex slaves.  To make an effect on the demand is to believe in "men".  To believe in the heart of man, and realize, "Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm."  Ephesians 6:12

I tend to respond in anger.  When I hear stories like that I watched in my last post, the fury inside me naturally makes me want to repay evil with evil.  But the problem wont be fixed and the traffickers will press on.  The root of the problem, is that the heart of men desire such things.  WE MUST GO IN WITH LOVE and effect such desires.

It starts with our own children.  Our own boys.  We must teach them to respect, love and cherish humanity.  We must show what love is to our sons and daughters so that as time continues on, the demand will fade.

But the fact remains, these things are happening.  In the world we live in and in the moment I safely type this from my computer screen in my air conditioned home, bad things are happening to innocent people.  Terrible things.

So what can we do now...

1. PRAY.  We cannot change the world.  We cannot change hearts.  It's an impossible task for us to take on.  It is something, I believe only Jesus can do.  But we must bring Jesus to them.  We must die to ourselves so that Justice can be found.  We must get on our knees and believe in our hearts that we, along with others can make a difference.  We must pray.

2. SHARE.  Tell people about it.  Create awareness.  People need to know what is going on.  We can't live in such affluence while there are other's going through what they are when we have the resources to prevent it, to change it, to stop it.  

3. RESPOND.  Do something!  I can't judge or convict you to say what you are doing or can do is good enough.  That is purely between you and God.  But there are outlets.  Lots of outlets.  Currently, a blog is being made that will go live soon, producing such outlets and boy, I'm excited to share it with you because it has good stuff, but until then, I will share the resources I know now.  

The Polaris Project

Not For Sale

Love 146

Somaly Mam Foundation

There are so many resources out there, and I strongly recommend you continue to search.  Don't stop here.  My blog is just a tiny glimpse into the world of Fighters who are dedicating their very lives to making an impact to end Human Trafficking.  I barely skimmed the surface.  

But don't lose heart.  We are all a team together, and if we work hard, in Love, we can make a difference.  A very large difference!

I want to yell, ENOUGH

This wont be pleasant, but the WORLD has GOT to know!!!!

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I get angry.  Real angry.  Angry enough to judge every man on the face of this earth.  But then I feel broken.  Broken enough to know that this is a fallen world.  Only to feel empowered.  Empowered enough to go and do something about it.  Will you?

From This Mama to You

I think a lot.  And some of my most recent thoughts have lead me to write this, from a mama to another mama.

I want to see a lot of things in this world change.  But I can't do it all.  But I can make a dent by investing in the little life I've been blessed to care for.  And while there are many things that need to be done in ending Human Trafficking, one of the greatest needs is to change the demand, and to change the demand means to change the hearts of our men and women, and that starts with our own.

So...

As a mama of a little girl, I promise you, mamas of little boys:

To raise her to know her self worth and beauty.  To be confident in the way God created her so that she wont have to seek confidence in your sons.

To raise her with a heart for modesty, so that she will feel beautiful with her most delicate skin covered in such a way that your sons will not have to be tempted and tested with what she wears.  So that your husbands wont have to see a young girl with her curves flaunted in such a way...  so that it will be her heart your sons desire.

To raise her to respect others and to see them for their self beauty and not world beauty, so that kindness would flow from her.

To raise her to respect those older and wiser, and seek wisdom from those who have walked before her.

To raise her to cherish this time on earth as something limited, so that your sons may be cherished as well.

To raise her to embrace the innocence of children, so that if she were blessed to birth your son's children, she would care and nurture them in love.

To raise her to find a passion and to seek after Jesus so that your sons may find their passion and seek after Jesus without a hindrance.

To raise her to love purity.  

I promise to raise my daughter in such a way, that she grow into a young woman that will not cause your sons to stumble or their thoughts to wander.  I promise to raise her in such a way that this world would change, if even the slightest, for the better. 

And that is my promise to you.

From Here to Eternity

One of my most favorite blog reads had one of her previous blog posts featured on FaithBlogs this week which had me reread the words that are so in tune with what my heart has been focusing on these past few days, which is why you have found this space different, yet again.

Because it is all about Eternity.  And it is about letting go of my self, my wants, my desires, so that Jesus, in all of it, may become greater!

You have read of changes to come.  You have seen this place grow.  You have heard whispers of what is in store.  But I will say it all now.

We're incredibly focused.  We're not exactly all sorted out, but we're focused.  And like what Rylie wrote, we want eternity written on our hearts, so we set our eyes on Him and go out to the world.  

In August, I'll be joining a few on a trip to countries to witness first had the work that is going on in the fight against Human Trafficking.  And it is a trip that has me fighting every single fear my mind can process.  But as I allow my mind to rest in eternity, nothing from here on can destroy my soul.  Yet as excited as I am for this opportunity, I know this will be the most heart changing experience I will have ever faced.

And we aren't about just the three of us anymore (not sure if we really ever were), but we're moving beyond that.  We have encountered others that have pushed our hearts to give bigger and love more, and we are excited to work alongside each of them as we aim to respond to His command to seek justice, encourage the oppressed, defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case for the widow. [Isaiah 1:17]

Benham Photographers

So we'll do it together.  United in the forefront, and trusting in each other's love, we cherish these times we have to laugh in safety and run in comfort, because the road ahead does not look pretty.  But thank you Jesus, that wherever He is, Beauty is all that follows.

And I have had time to find comfort in some of the darkness in my heart.  I've remained quiet as I listened to the Truth be told back into the wounds of my spirit.  And from that I feel all the more joyful in the adventures we are about to embark on.  Because in the end, and from here to eternity, it is all about less of me, so that He may become greater!